Feminine Fun
Wednesday, June 6, 2007 at 
8:30 pm ()
Well, tomorrow is the big day. That glorious day that comes around once a year where I get to have what looks like plastic salad tongs and a prickly thing inserted into my private parts. Oh yes, tomorrow I get to go to the gynecologist (”Get to” sounds like it’s a privilege or something.). I’ll be having my yearly breast exam and pap smear. I’ll also have to get my perscriptions for my birth control and sleeping medications. I just hope they don’t pull that sneaky trick where they stick their finger up your bum without telling you. (I’ve only had that happen once.)
Image from Natalie Dee.
Oh joy, what fun I shall be having tomorrow at 2:45.
Edit: So, I just got back from the doctor. There was a man nurse, and I was semi-freaked out. Usually the nurses stay with the doctor during the actual exam. Luckily, he didn’t stick around. The regular nurse came in for that part. Yay for having prickly things scraping around and cold fingers pushing on my insides. :tongue:
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Filed in: Health, Personal Stuff ()
20 Comments so far
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Jenn scribbled this note on June 6th, 2007: 
[ Quote ]
I have never ever had any of that stuff done! And I’m going to be happy about that fact all day tomorrow
LOL. I will, however, be proud of you for being one of those smart people who do get such things done on a regular basis, you’ll be my role model. -
ROFL. This entry is so bloody hilarious because I know exactly what you’re talking about. Particularly the salad tongs bit - and you forgot to mention that they’re ALWAYS COLD.
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@Jenn: Ha ha! Thanks, I think.
@Jem: Oh, whoo-hoo! I made Jem “ROFL.” I feel so special. -
I’m laughing so hard! I could completely relate to this. The first time went to my ob-gyne, I was scared. I’m a student nurse so I’ve seen speculums and other thing-a-majibs enter a woman’s privates. This of course, led to my early trauma. I left the said ob-gyne in shock even after my knowledge of what’s going to happen. Who likes to have those nasty things inside anyway? I’d rather have a tooth extraction!!
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What’s this about things being shoved up your doo-dah?
Sounds fun!
I’ve never had anything like that though… My doo-dah hasn’t seen daylight since before I hit puberty.
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Ick… I feel for ya :hmm:
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Eww! :tongue:
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Salad tongs? As if I weren’t scared enough!
I’ll have to go for the first time soon because I need something for this horrible dysmenorrhea…I’ll totally freak and run out of the office if I get a guy.
Oh well, at least I got a better explanation of what they do now…
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I LOVE your website. This is the coolest website I’ve ever seen. It’s like a rainbow of Hello Kitty or something. Kudos!
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aww that image is just too cute.
At least the male nurse left, that at least is a plus which is always sorely needed in moments like that.
They seriously need to invent a special x-ray or other contraption to do these procedures. It would make it so much easier to deal with eh?
P.S. the itrip just plays the ipod through the radio though on a trip to roenoke I did notice that it catches the radio signals put off from semi-trailors which was highly annoying!
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LMAO Omg Ashley you’re too funny. That reminds me I need to make an appointment
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Well, have fun, but don’t enjoy yourself too much.
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hahaha. I remember the first time I went, when i felt the cold I near jumped. You would think they could try and warm things up a little before they do it.
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Oh my goodness, ouch? I didn’t know they stuck their fingers up your bum sometimes. God help me if they’ve ever done that to me and I didn’t know about it. I absolutely hate having smear (pap) tests. They’re so painful. And those big silver things they use to keep your bits open. Oh geez *faint*
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heya!! thanks for the comment on my blog
Yeh thorpe park was fun!! Have fun when your go to one soon.
And that all sound quite nasty. Not older enough yet. Will be soon though Well anyway see ya later
byebye
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i LOVE your website, do you mind if i add you as a read? Honestly your site makes me feel like a little kid again, i LOVE it!! i just restarted my blog, so it’s a newbie blog, but i would be honored to add you as a read!! -
I so relate to this. What is even worse is they do have different sizes. And did you know if you are ‘fat’ they use huge ones on ya & stick the q-tip thing in further. Oh my god when I had it done I thought I would die & never stop bleeding. The doctor promises that wanna be obgyn isn’t in their office anymore & that they will take out the huge parts cuz I told em I’d sue this time.
And I have to get that little sneaky trick to prove it isn’t nothing but my tummy bleeding. 
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Can you say OMG?
I had to laugh, but only because I can do you one better, where OB-GYN stories are concerned. Back in the early 90’s, I had absolutely horrible stomach cramps that just would not let up. My boyfriend and I had eaten at a seafood place the day before, and as he said he wasn’t feeling well (I later learned he is SUCH a hypochondriac), I figured we had a touch of food poisoning. But nothing was happening at either end, if ya know what I mean. So, finally, I called a friend to drive me to the ER, because the pain was becoming localized on the lower right abdomen.
Well, “Aunt Flo” was also visiting, and other than the excruciating pain, I had no other symptoms of appendicitis. So, they’re insisting that I have an ectopic pregnancy, and that my fallopian HAD to have ruptured. Well, being a university-linked teaching hospital, I had 15 - yes, FIFTEEN freakin’ interns, all male, come in to do FIFTEEN pelvics on me. This one guy, who reeked of a 3 day spoiled salami binge, sticks the speculum up my hoo-hah, and is turning it this way and that (the pain was enough to have me begging for a gun), saying, “I can’t find her cervix.” As soon as he pulled the speculum out, I sat up and grabbed his tie, and said something to the effect of, “Look, you smelly little troll, we can do this one of three ways: I can draw you a road map, I can call for a copy of Gray’s Anatomy and SHOW you where the cervix is, or I can shove this speculum up your backside, open it full blast, turn it sideways, and show you exactly where your brain is, you (string of expletives that would make a sailor blush)!”
His supervising doc convinced me to let this kid’s tie go, and I sat in the ER from 2pm on a Friday until 6am the next morning, when the REAL surgeons did rounds, and decided that since the pregnancy tests they kept running on me kept coming back negative, and since I turned rabid when they pushed on the right side of my abdomen, I had appendicitis, and took me right up to surgery before my mom could even get there.
I’ve often wondered if Mr. Salami made it thru his internship, considering the seven guys who peeked and poked before him had no problems whatsoever finding my cervix. LOL
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omg India!!
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I prefer that they don’t tell me that they are about to stick a finger up a not so lovely place so I will be surprised and not tighten up, major owies then.
I try to go to a special place in my mind when at the gyno. Think of puppy dogs and baby kittens and little babies. Sort hard though with your feet up in stirrups and your hooha exposed.
Although now that I have been pregnant and had a baby a gyno visit will probably be a walk in the park.
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