i’m just starting to get pissed off. well, not starting to, but it’s just getting worse and worse.

so, i’ve had three observations in the last couple of weeks. my reading lesson went okay. there were a lot of interruptions, but it was okay. my math lesson with mrs. williams went really well. (thank goodness) my economics lesson was terrible. the kids were terrible. oh, i mean. i was terrible. it is my fault if kids don’t listen and pay attention. it’s not the kids fault if they aren’t following directions and not listening. it’s apprarently all my fault. it’s my fault if they’re out of their seats. there’s just no such thing as a stubborn, lazy, defiant kid apparently. the reason they’re messed up is because of me. yeah, whatever.

i had my committee meeting today. it’s now time for my third and last cycle of my internship. during cycle three there is only supposed to be a videotape that all 3 committee members watch. well, lucky me, because i’m so terrible, i get to be videotaped and i get an extra observation. hoo-ray.

classroom management is the hardest thing a new teacher has to deal with. i knew that going in. i had to deal with that during student teaching. i guess that some people feel like i’m not using enough assessments to determine student learning and not enough assessments to monitor student progress. hello? all i DO is assess these kids. it’s so stupid. there’s no time tot each because i’m always having to give them some damn test. enough is enough people.

math class is retarded. i get maybe 45 minutes to teach if i am lucky. i feel like these kids need to review old material every single day if they are going to remember how to use the skills. so, to make the transitioning to class more calm, i give them these review sheets at the beginning of class. the sheets review old concepts, and it gets the kids busy and quiet. well, apparently i shouldn’t be doing that. mrs. williams doesn’t see the point of it. i miss hanson’s saxon math program. it was very repetitive so kids constantly had to use skills they had already learned. it wasn’t like, “oh, we finished our unit on money, so now i don’t have to count it anymore.” i would really like to do the math calendar time where you do graphing, odd and even numbers, patterns, skip counting, money, time, fact families, and more. if i did that, i’d barely have any teaching time left. i’d like to do math centers. again, i don’t have a lot of time to work with here. it’s just ridiculous. it gets more stupid every day. me and tandria, my assistant, spend my planning period talking about how stupid it is and how the school is so screwed up. she wants to actually take her kid out and put her in another school. she’s already looking for a different job for next year.

my “team” teachers are beign stupid again. we have a field trip coming up. i guess they gave tandria the permission slip to make copies of it. it said at the bottom “from ms. w and mrs. mc.” tandria said, “what about ms. bratcher?” their reply was “if she wants a copy of it, she’ll have to tell us.” i mean, how hard was it to just add my name on there and say “here, would you like to use this?” sheesh!! we’re supposed to be a “team.” why do they want me to beg for everything? why can’t they just be nice? it is so dumb!

iv’ve got 3 kids who chase each other around, crawl on the floor, and generally disrupt the class. i’ve sent them to the guidance counselor several times. derek is the worst. he doesn’t do anything. at all. he’ll do math. that’s about it. he’s very smart. he’s in the top reading group. he can do math great. he won’t write. he won’t do class work. he won’t verbalize thoughts very often. he’s driving me insane. yet, it’s my fault he won’t talk.
things are just so dumb. i’ll be glad when it’s finally over. i have no real support at school. i don’t have a writing program to follow. i don’t have a math program to follow. oh, but mrs. williams doesn’t care if i know what content i’m teaching so long as my class appears to be listening to me. i could be teaching the kids the world is flat, but as long as they are listening, i guess it’s okay.

i hate man-lion school.

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